Wednesday, August 9, 2017

10 ways to survive a Horror Movie!

I am not a fan of horror movies. They are super shady and scary. Plus, half of the characters are really really stupid... I mean... unwise. Yes that is a nicer word for it. Anyway. People are not the wisest when it comes to horror movies. But what if someone wrote a blog post, I don't know, maybe giving some helpful tips and using loveable characters to help portray the tips!

Cason: HI!

Shane: I am not loveable! *blushes*

Tekky: Yes you are shut up. I am the scary monster!

Monster: Um... Rawr?

And of course, I have a co-writer next to me! :D SAY HI.

Jordan: No...

Come on...

Jordan: Okay... Hi.

YAY! So here we go!!!!!

1. Research the place you're going The first important tip on how to survive a horror movie, is to research the city your moving too. If the city has a history of deaths or serial murders or something that seems shady. You probably should not go there.

Cason: *typing on the computer* Hmmm... Spokesville. *presses the enter key and stares at the screen* Um... Okay, yeah. Not going there.


2. Don't go to creepy broken down and abandoned places. Pretty sure this one is self explanatory. Creepy broken down houses should be a sign of "Stay away. I am bad news." And what do these bozos do? "Hey! I bet you can't stay one night in that creepy hotel/house/hospital." Or. "Oh no our car broke down! Lets ask for help in this abandoned supermarket!"

Shane: *leads Cason through the town* And this here is our library! I know you like books. Want to check it out?

Cason: *looks up at the creepy rickety library* Ummmmmm No thanks dude.

Tekky: *comes out of the library* OH COME ON!


3. Don't look behind you. If you feel like some one is following you. Don't turn around, because when you do it is gonna be some creepy monster dude and then you're gonna scream and then you are gonna DIE! GET OUTTA THERE!

Cason: *is walking down a dark hallway of Shane's house*

Tekky: *sneaking up behind him* Hehehe.

Cason: *runs off* OH HECK NO!

Tekky: CASON! Get back here!


4. Carry a weapon. If you have a weapon, you are less likely to die. Because when Freddy Kruger comes at you with his spiky hands. Just shoot him or something like that. He dead. You not.

Shane: *running down the road* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Monster: Oooga Boooooga.

Cason: *runs into the road with a gun and shoots the monster*

Monster: *gets hit* OW! What! YOU SHOT ME!

Cason: Yes. I did. I am not stupid!

Tekky: A fluff with a gun? Cute.

Cason: You are next.


5. If you see something out of the corner of your eye, but nothings there... RUN.

Cason: This one does not need a skit. O____O


6. Stand in the corner of the room. So you can see what's coming without being worried about getting attacked from behind/

Tekky: Cason? Where are you? *walks into the room to see Cason backed up in the corner* Um... Hi?

Cason: Stay back. I am watching you. You're shady.


7. Don't spend the night at a strangers house. Do you not get that hanging with strangers is not safe? In a spooky town. Hanging with strangers can mean death.

Tekky: So, you need a place to stay tonight?

Cason: *gives Tekky an uneasy look* Um... I don't really know you.

Tekky: Shane will be there. Or would you rather stay with that guy. *points to Monster in hoodie*

Cason: Staying with you.

Tekky: Good. Gonna bite you now.

Cason: No you aren't.


8. Don't pick up an object you find in the middle of the woods.  It is usually a trap. Someones gonna follow you home and slice you up.

Cason: *finds a small chest in the woods* Oh! What a neat looking chest. *goes to touch it* Wait a minute. Why is this just lying in the open...? Okay No. Bye. *turns and runs*


9. Dolls are a no-no. In the case of horror movies, dolls are very bad. Dolls usually apparently have some sort of bad thing making them come to life and slaughter.

Cason: I hate dolls.

SEE! Problem solved!


10. Don't do anything stupid. If someone is in your house trying to kill you. Avoid going upstairs. That is pure stupidity. Don't go somewhere where your escape is cut off and based on whether or not a murderer is able to find you. Don't have teenage parties while camping. Don't leave your ax lying around for someone to pick up and chop chop you. Common-Sense is one thing horror movie people need.

1 comment:

Myriad said...

THANK YOU!! Finally someone gets it!! XD

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