Friday, May 19, 2017

Shift Chapter One... Sort of

    A long time ago; when knights fought for the attention of the fair young maiden, and battles were fought with swords, shields and spears instead of guns; there was a race of known as the Shift Dragons. Shift Dragons were dragons that were able to shift between dragon form and their original form. The greatest Shift Dragon was a Darkness Shift Dragon named Shade. Shade was the bravest, and most cunning of all, he was considered by some as the king of the Shift Dragons. But suddenly, a warlord named Shykurin and his army from the east started hunting down and killing the shift dragons. Any who stood against Shykurin and his army in defiance was defeated and slaughtered. The massacre drove the remaining Shift Dragons into hiding and Shade hid himself in the Mountains of Danger. Eventually Shykurin’s forces found a majority of the hiding Shift Dragons and executed them, tracking them using friends and family. But the remaining Shift Dragons gave their children special jewels, known as the Dragon’s jewels, to help them tell real Shift Dragons from fakes. However, Shykurin found out about the jewels and stated locating them using their jewels. So the Shift Dragons roamed the land as normal beings, blending in, and keeping their secret; hoping that someday a hero would rise and put an end to the genocide of their species would come to an end.

    A man and woman raced across an open field. “We have to hurry Janessa!” The man cried, turning to look at the advancing soldiers. The woman struggled to catch up while securing the fragile bundle she was carrying. “You try running while holding our son, Romulan. He isn’t exactly easy to carry!” Romulan slowed down so that he ran next to his wife. “Then let me carry him. I can run and carry him.” Janessa stopped long enough to pass the baby to Romulan, and they took off again. The shouts and commands of the soldiers behind them could now be heard behind them. Romulan looks behind, “They are gaining, Janessa!” They turned a corner and cut into a cornfield. Romulan parted some of the corn and peeked out. He watched as the guards ran by. He waited for a few minutes, then turned to Janessa. “They are gone, my dear.”  He looked down at the baby in his arms. “What are we going to do Janessa? We need to hide the baby! If they catch us now, he will not have a chance for freedom. We would have been running for nothing.” Janessa looked down sullenly at the ground “Romulan… we need to split up… I can draw their attention and you can find a safe place to hide the baby.” Romulan looked at her in shock. “But… Janessa! We would not see each other again… They would kill us both, and not spare the boy if they found him!” The baby began to cry as if he knew that he was in danger. Janessa hushed the baby. “Shh little one” she turned back to Romulan. “I know… but our son’s safety and freedom is much more important.” Romulan looked at his son again, “What if he is found by a soldier or someone who is for the genocide of our kind? We shouldn’t be so willing to take those risks!” Janessa turned away. “We must try, if we want him to have a chance to have a life free from looking over his shoulder in fear!’ Romulan heard the shouts of the soldiers, who were now searching the field, looking for them. “I guess we have no choice.” He gave his wife a one armed hug so he wouldn’t squish the baby. Janessa hugged back, then leaned down to kiss the little child. “Stay safe my child, oh how I will miss you” she cried. Nodding to her husband, she turned toward the voices of the soldiers. Her body started to shift until it was in the form of a large magnificent blue dragon. “Hey!” She yelled at the soldiers. “You want me?” She stretched her wings and took off into the sky. “Come and get me!”

1 comment:

Unknown said...

I like the concept, and can only imagine how good it could be if you returned to this to rewrite it. Some constructive criticism:
-Show, don't tell. It makes the scenes stronger. For example, saying that the soldiers voices became more audible is a great way to show how they're closing the distance on the family. However, the following "They are gaining, Jesica" feels redundant.
-The dialogue between the two feels drawn out, which works against the suspense rather than for it. They're stressed and making quick decisions. I wouldn't think the have the luxury to weigh their options completely. It can work with the length, but the dialogue then would need to hold the suspense.
-I'm not sure if it was meant as a surprise or mysticism value, but I had a disconnect on how the 2nd part starts with a man and woman and ends with the woman spreading her wings. Humans for sure don't have wings normally, so either a hint that they're not normal humans or a rephasing of either the subjects or the action would help clarify.

Hope that helps ^^

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